


Your past won't stay under lock and key

by crazypooch



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Anxiety, Hurt, Hypothermia, M/M, Panic Attack, Prostitution, ghosts from the past, sprained ankle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-27 01:23:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9944096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazypooch/pseuds/crazypooch
Summary: Someone and something makes Robert remember things he'd rather forget





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is not quite how I wanted it to be but hope someone likes it.

Robert dug his nails into Aaron’s flesh near the hipbones. Robert thrusted hard into Aaron, Aaron stroking is dick at the same time in rhythm to Robert’s pushes. They were both panting heavily, they were sweaty, they were messy and they could not get enough of each other. They were both getting closer, the edge not far away. Robert had been waiting all day to get to Aaron, and apparently Aaron had felt the same towards Robert. Once they had gotten through to the backroom of the pub, they had fought hard not to do it right there on the couch. They had been all over each other and frankly it was a miracle they were able to hold off removing their clothes until they reached their bedroom. 

Robert’s thrusts became faster, harder and he knew Aaron was close, he was too.

”Harder! More! I need more! ” Aaron was demanding and Robert complied, speeding up.

”More! More! Fuck! Make me come! Make me come you slut!”

Robert froze. He was still for a second before he pulled out quickly and pushed Aaron forward, throwing himself backwards at the same time.

”What the hell Robert?!” 

Aaron looked confused and frustrated and the only thing Robert could think of was to get out and as fast as possible. He felt his breathing changing again and it became more constraint. He needed air. 

”Robert what’s going on? Robert talk to me!” 

Aaron’s voice was now filled with concern and Robert felt Aaron’s hand on his wrist but he slapped it away. He started frantically searching for some clothes and pulled on whatever he could find. He could hear Aaron saying something to him but his voice became more distant and Robert’s vision started to blur. He just needed to get away.

Robert rushed through the door and down the stairs so fast he was sure he was going to trip. Before he knew it he was running down the main road. His feet hurt but he kept going. He had no idea were he was heading, he just ran. He was running as fast as he could but he felt like he was in a fog, he could not see anything and the only thing he could hear was his own heart beating rapidly. 

His foot got caught in something and before he could react he hit the ground. The fall somehow made him snap out of whatever state he was in and laying there on the cold wet ground, memories came flooding back ,memories he had pushed away, hidden, somewhere so deep down he never thought they would resurface. Before he even realized it ,he was crying hysterically, his hands digging in to the dirt, his whole body shaking. 

 

 

 

 

He had not realized he had cried himself to sleep before he woke up. His eyes were stinging, his ankle was hurting and he was cold, so bloody cold. It was still dark and it had been dark when he had left so he had absolutely no idea of how long he had been lying there. He was shaking badly but somehow he was still able to push himself of the muddy ground in to a seated position. It was only now that he saw what he was wearing. He did not have any shoes on, only Aaron’s hoodie (which he had not even zipped closed) and tracksuit bottoms. He started thinking about Aaron, he must be worrying himself sick. He is probably looking for him. He could feel his heart beating faster again and he tried to take deep breaths though it was hard and not really working. He did not want to think about Aaron and he was terrified that he would have to face him again. Aaron would want an explanation, an explanation Robert did not want to give.

He knew why he had reacted they we he had, he just had not expected it. He had locked all those memories from that time away and destroyed the key. He had thought he would never have to think about them ever again. He was a bit shocked how little it took to break the lock and that made him feel weak, made him feel disappointed with himself, made him hate himself. 

He knew he should be getting back, he really did not want to but he knew he had had Aaron worry enough already. Shaking, he got up but almost collapsed back down due to the pain in his ankle. He shifted his weight on to his other foot and he felt the pain subsiding. After steadying himself he looked around and he realized he had no idea where he was. He had played around the village when he was a kid and he knew almost every single part of it, but apparently it all had changed drastically over the years and he was now completely lost. ”I can’t have run that far” he thought. ”I just need to get to a road” .

Moving was difficult; it was slow and painful and the shivering did not help. He did not have a clue where he was heading and how far he had already gone. He kept moving for a little while before he had to sit down and rest. He sat leaning against an old tree and he rubbed his ankle, which was red and swollen and he wondered how badly sprained it was. He looked down on his feet and hands, which were turning blue and he wandered how he got in such a state he ran half naked out of his own home in the middle of February. He usually did not loose control and never had he over this.   
He curled his arms over his legs and started rocking back and forth. The shivering became more violent and when he after a while tried to move, his movements were slow and felt labored. He was not sure if he was for some reason loosing contentiousness or if he was just tired, probably the latter, he thought. Minutes pasted and he was not shivering anymore and he felt more drowsy. Maybe he could just rest a bit longer. 

 

 

 

He opened his eyes but had to close them right back. The light had been way too bright and he was feeling confused. He tried to move his hand but someone hold it in place. He wanted to move it but someone had it in a firm grip. Robert tried to open his mouth but he could not make a sound and he started to panic. He had no idea where he was, how he got there and who was holding his hand and that made him scared. He started moving around and he tried to open his eyes but the light blinded him yet again. He felt hands on his shoulders holding him in place and he could hear a voice in the distant. Soon, the voice became louder, clearer and he could make out words, sentences. 

”Calm down, Robert! You’re in hospital, you’ll be fine! Just calm down, you’re safe”

It was Aaron. He felt himself relaxing and Aaron’s grip on his shoulders becoming less firm. 

”Breathe in and out, okay. You’re fine, I’m right here. ”

He tried open his eyes again and this time the light was a little less blinding and soon he could see Aaron looking at him, a gentle smile on his face. 

”I was worried sick, you know!” 

Robert could see the hurt and worry in Aaron’s eyes which were red and swollen .

”You’ve been crying” 

”Well I’ve been going out of my mind because of you!” 

”I’m sorry”

”Don’t be! Just talk to me! Why did you run away? Did I upset you? Did I hurt you? What did I do?”

Robert knew Aaron was blaming himself and he felt guilty, really guilty. He never meant to hurt him, but he did. Again. 

”Sorry” he said again. It was the only thing he could say. He could not look at Aaron, he did not want to see how much he had hurt him by running away.  
Robert could hear Aaron sigh and moving the chair next to the bed so he could take a seat. He felt Aaron taking his hand in his again and squeezing it tightly. 

 

They stayed like this for what felt like hours but was more like 10 minutes before a nurse came in followed by a doctor. He felt Aaron remove his hand and he missed his touch immediately. 

”Good to see you awake, Mr Sugden! I’m Dr Williams. How are you feeling?” 

The doctor was short and quite young, maybe around Robert’s age or younger but his voice was deep and filled with authority and Robert found it all very contradictory. He took a second to answer, because frankly, he did not quite know how he felt. 

”I’m okay, I guess”

”Do you know why you are here?” the doctor continued.

”No. I remember leaving our home and.. I hurt my ankle….I was in the woods. Can’t remember much. What day is it? How long have I been here?”

”You were brought here this morning. You were found in the woods and you were suffering from severe hypothermia and you had a badly sprained ankle” 

Robert looked at Aaron, who still looked hurt and he felt bad. 

”What day is?” He asked again, directing the question more towards Aaron than the doctor.

”It’s Tuesday afternoon” Aaron said, his voice quite. 

Robert’s face fell. He felt confused and looked at everyone in the room waiting for them to say something. Had he really been in the woods that long? He ran out in the late Sunday evening and he was sure it was Monday morning. The fact he had been missing that long made his stomach turn and a new wave of guilt it him again. 

”As I said, you were suffering from severe hypothermia but there seem to be no complications or damages. We will keep you under observation but you will most likely be able to go home tomorrow. Your ankle is , as a said before, sprained and you will need a crutch for a while but it will heal in about 2 months time and if not, book an appointment with your GP. ”

The doctor took a deep breath before continuing.

”You were found naked and I need to ask you if we need to do a rape examination.”

Robert’s mouth fell open in shock. He clearly remembers wearing Aaron’s clothes and he was pretty certain he was not that confused. Did something happen to him while he was sleeping? 2No!" he thought. He would have woken up wouldn’t he?

When Robert did not answer the doctor continued.

”We can talk in private if you want. ”

Robert shook his head, still very confused and slightly scared. 

”Mr Sugden, did anyone hurt you?” The doctor's voice was firm but his eyes were understanding and friendly.

Robert looked at Aaron , who was looking anxiously towards the floor. 

”I….I don’t remember anything like that….As far as I know…remember… I was alone. I don’t think anyone hurt me….But I remember wearing a hoodie and trousers” 

”If you want, we can do the examination to be on the safe side. But it is not uncommon for hypothermia sufferers to start undressing themselves even when it worsens their state. It is something called paradoxical undressing and it typically occurs during moderate or severe hypothermia. So if you don’t want us to do the examination, I understand, since it it possible that you undressed yourself. But do understand that I had to make sure”

Robert turned his gaze towards Aaron again and this time he looked almost relieved. He turned to look at the doctor who looked at him steadily. 

”I don’t think I need the examination” he said, simultaneously turning to look at Aaron again. Aaron looked back and he gave Robert a small smile and reached out to hold his hand again.

"Very well. I will check up on you later but now I suggest you rest, it will help you recover" 

The doctor gave them both a smile before he and the nurse left. Aaron was about to open his mouth but Robert interrupted him.

"I just want to rest now, okay. We'll talk later"

"We better" 

 

 

 

 

It felt good to be back home but Robert feared the conversation they would eventually have to have. Whilst Robert was at the hospital they had not talked about what had happened that had made Robert run out that Sunday, but now they were home Robert was sure Aaron would bring the subject up soon. He did not want to talk about it, he did not know what Aaron would think of him when he found out what he had done in the past. Unfortunately he had not been able to come up (in his head) with a good explanation that Aaron would believe so he knew he would just have to go with the truth. He had tried to spend the whole day surrounded by other people so that Aaron would not be able to bring it up. but when the evening came and he slowly made his way up the stairs he knew the time had come and he felt anxious, worried. 

He opened the door to their room and he was relieved to discover Aaron not there. He went and sat on the bed, his back towards the door, looking outside the window. He sat in silence for a couple of minutes before he heard Aaron entering the room. He stiffen and took a deep, shaky breath. He kept his gaze on the snowflakes falling outside. He felt Aaron moving towards him and sitting down next to him. A few minutes wet by before Aaron spoke. 

"I need you to talk to me about what happened. I've been worried sick and I was so scared when you left and I couldn't find you" 

Robert felt Aaron taking a hold of his hand again before he continued.

"When...When I found you......I thought you were dead!" 

The shock of his words makes Robert turn his eyes away from the window and towards the man next to him. He can see the tears running down Aaron's cheeks and he quickly wipes them away. Robert keeps his hand on Aaron's cheek and his hand get wet by new tears.

"All sorts of things, ideas have been going around my head and it kills me! Please, you can tell me anything! " Aaron's voice is small and pleading. Robert knows he owes Aaron. He needs to tell him, but does not want to. He is not sure Aaron wants anything to do with him when he has told him. He knows what he did happened years ago and that he was desperate but he hates himself for it so why should Aaron understand when he is disgusted with himself. 

But he owes him so his opens his mouth.

"I... I... remembered something" he says, quickly. His hands are shaking and he can feel his eyes starting to water.

Aaron waits for him to continue and he feels he has to.

"Someone... I met someone from... from my past and...it brought up some memories I have been trying to forget" He lets out a breath he apparently was holding. Silence surround them again for a while and Robert is slightly startled when Aaron speaks.

"Who was it? And how did that person make you leave our bed like you did?" Aaron looks confused and Robert knows he has to see this through.

"When I left Emmerdale I had nothing and at some point I was really desperate" He takes another deep breath, he cannot look at Aaron. Instead he looks on the floor. 

"I had no money, I was starving, I was living on the streets. I was ready to do anything...." 

"What do you mean?" Aaron's voice is trembling a bit.

"I was a prostitute Aaron....." 

If a pin had been dropped on to the floor it would have been heard loud and clear, that's how silent it was. Robert could not move. "This was it" he thought. He felt sick, panic started rising and he wanted to flee again. The silence became slowly overbearing.

"Say something" It was barely a whisper but that was the only sound Robert could get out.

Everything started to became overwhelming and he could now feel his tears running down.

"I lost you now, didn't I." His voice was still only a whisper and he was not entirely sure if Aaron had heard him. He was about to leave when Aaron got up and pulled him into a hug. He could not stop crying, he was shaking and he could not understand why Aaron was holding him. Aaron should be screaming at him and throwing him out, not comforting him. But he could not push himself away so he let himself be held. 

 

 

 

 

 

Aaron had made them both a cup of tea and now they were again sitting on the bed, both men looking out the window. It had taken Robert quite some time to calm down and now he just felt exhausted but he knew he had to tell Aaron the whole story. 

"The client I went to meet that day was one of my....... ex-clients........ from years back. I didn't know that because I didn't know his name but I recognized him straight away and so did he. I was about to leave but he stopped me and dragged me in to an alley. I laughed at me, kept calling me all sorts. I was so shocked I could not move or speak. I have never seen any .....ex-clients before and I thought that even if I would bump in to one one day they would not say anything." Robert took a sip of his cup and he noticed how his hands started shaking again so he put his cup down on the bedside table. 

"He was taunting me and suggesting things and I... I could not do anything. I was completely frozen" 

God, he felt stupid. He felt absolutely ridiculous. 

"He just got under my skin and I tried to forget about it and you were quite a good distraction until...." Robert stopped right in his tracks. 

"Until I called you a slut" Aaron finished. Robert looked at Aaron, he could not really read his expression, which was odd, they both could usually read each other like open books. 

"I'm sorry" That was again the only thing he could say and he was sorry, truly. Aaron deserved better.

"Don't be" 

"But I am and I understand if you want to throw me out, if you despise me" 

"I don't. I don't want to throw you out and I don't despise you, okay."

Aaron's voice was soft and it confused Robert.

"You should hate me. God knows I hate myself. For years I've been trying to hide my past because it makes me feel sick. It makes me feel sick that I actually sold my body, that I let some old grubby men touch me" Robert feels his breathing getting constrained again. Everything starts spinning and he wants to throw up. He feels Aaron holding him again and he breaks down again. 

"I don't hate you, I love you, you idiot! You're okay, we're okay! Don't cry. We're fine!"

Robert cannot stop sobbing and he feels overwhelmed again. He really does not deserve Aaron. He cannot comprehend how Aaron still can be here after what he told him. Guess Aaron is just too good of a person.

"I love you" He whispers back, really meaning it, always meaning it. He has never loved anyone like this before and he knows he never will.


End file.
